Almost 1 Month Reflection

Taylor will be one month in 2 days!

The first three weeks were seriously such a blur. I had a major breastfeeding fiasco, so that's all I remember about the first three weeks. I just remember being sleep deprived, stressed, and depressed. I would seriously cry every day about something. I also got into a major argument with Ji about breastfeeding. I was so focused on just feeding her breast milk (which I wasn't even producing much of) that I wasn't ENJOYING her. Now that she's almost a month old, I'm so sad that I didn't enjoy the first three weeks.

Coming to so cal was the BEST decision ever. It has been so nice getting support from Ji and my parents. I love that we can all take turns feeding her the bottle. I've been sleeping 6-8 hours a day. I get to go out during the afternoons when my mom's not working. It's lovely. Now, I hold Taylor, study her every feature, talk to her, sing to her, and I love being her mommy. It wasn't like this a week ago.

Before, I would count down the days. Now time is going by too fast. I'm dreading going up to nor cal and I wish time would stop. Once I go back, I'll be the one solely in charge of the late night feedings (no more husband that's on PFL or mom that comes to the rescue). I'll definitely be getting less sleep and I'll have more responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, etc) whereas in so cal, I don't much of that. I just get to play with Taylor and feed her once in a while because we are all taking turns (it takes a village). Everyone says it gets easier, but I think it will get harder for me in 3 weeks once I go back up. I'm scared and need such strength. I'm weak physically, mentally, and emotionally, so I bet I'll have a breakdown the first week back up. By that time, Taylor should be 7 weeks old.

After being on formula, Taylor's doing great. For the first time since her birth, she's gaining weight. This week she weighed in at 7 lb and 13 oz. Last week she was 6lb and 13 oz (she was born at 6 lb 14 oz) and she gained a pound within a week of doing purely formula. This makes me feel better as a mother because she's getting the nutrition she couldn't get from my breastmilk and is growing.

She's generally a chill baby. She only cries when she needs something (ie: she's hungry, needs to change her diaper, needs to burp, etc.) and she whimpers/cries sometimes during her sleep. I guess that's all babies. Other than that, she's a healthy baby and for that I am thankful.