Divided

I absolutely hated Berkeley when I first went to live there in 2003. I hated it so much in fact that I booked a flight home that first weekend. That weekend is so vivid in my mind. As soon as I went to Palm Desert, I hung out with Alex and Jo and crammed the time with as many memories of Palm Desert as I could. As usual, the night ended with a drive up to the mountains to see the city views and the stars and grabbing an oreo shake with curly fries at Jack in the Box.

Then it was time to go back to school...

I remember standing on the platform of the Coliseum BART station, looking out towards Oakland and trying to convince myself at how awesome the Bay Area was. I knew that tears would come streaming down my face if I didn't try to convince myself of what I thought to be false.

Needless to say, all of this changed during my 6 years of living there. I absolutely fell in love with the place. I'm still in love with the place. My body is in so cal but my heart is in the Bay. You know when you think of a place and your heart beats faster, you breathe deeply and then wonderful sights start whizzing through your mind as if it's playing a slideshow? That happens at the mention of the word Bay Area.

Basically, I took it for granted. I miss...

The convenient public transportation system that takes me everywhere I need to go.

The crisp air and cool weather.

The microneighborhoods in SF and Berkeley.

The farmers markets and specialty stores (ie: nothing is generic).

Walking everywhere.

Social awareness.

The intermingling of cultures.

Intellectual capital.

The Arts.

I just miss it. I loved working there, playing there and living there.

So cal is a nice place, but I don't think it's the place for me. I've been here for almost 2 years and I still don't feel like it's home. It's like I'm a mismatched puzzle piece lost in the sea of trendiness, generic consumerism, smog and keeping up with the Jones'. Things just get old here very fast.

Yet, I absolutely love my church, IBC. I desperately want to go back to the Bay Area, but I don't want to leave my church.

No church is perfect because it's filled with imperfect people (such as myself) who mess things up because of sin. Yet, I'm truly, madly, deeply in love with Immanuel Bible Church. I love...

The people - everyone from 1 month olds to the oldest.

The solid teaching.

The appreciation of differing convictions based on Biblical principles.

The humble submission that the elders have towards one another - especially when making decisions for the church.

The approachability of my pastors.

The family environment.

The realness of people.

Opportunities to be discipled by older women in the faith.

Seeing Christianity practically lived out in the world.

How people can eat.

Almost every Sunday, I come home and think "Man...I am falling more deeply in love with this church."

I love it. I can't explain it. I'm just madly in love with worshipping God, fellowshipping with the people and serving at IBC.

As I apply for jobs (which honestly I haven't been doing), I'm divided on where I should apply.

It's just like 2 years ago when I was deciding whether to go to grad school or stay in Nor Cal. The cycle never ends.

Either way, I learned A LOT these past 2 years and I'm excited to see what will happen in the near future.

Since nothing is guaranteed, I should just enjoy the now which just happens to be so cal.